LETTER TO HIS SON
by
LONDON, September 5, O.S. 1748.
.... As women are a considerable, or at least a pretty numerous
part of company; and as their suffrages go a great way toward
establishing a man's character in the fashionable part of the
world (which is of great importance to the fortune and figure he
proposes to make in it), it is necessary to please them. I will
therefore, upon this subject, let you into certain Arcana
that will be very useful for you to know, but which you
must, with the utmost care, conceal and never seem to know.
Women, then, are only children of a larger growth; they have an
entertaining tattle, and sometimes wit; but for solid reasoning,
good sense, I never knew in my life one that had it, or who
reasoned or acted consequentially for four-and-twenty hours
together. Some little passion or humor always breaks upon their
best resolutions. Their beauty neglected or controverted, their
age increased, or their supposed understandings depreciated,
instantly kindles their little passions, and overturns any system
of consequential conduct, that in their most reasonable moments
they might have been capable of forming. A man of sense only
trifles with them, plays with them, humors and flatters them, as
he does with a sprightly forward child; but he neither consults
them about, nor trusts them with serious matters; though he often
makes them believe that he does both; which is the thing in the
world that they are proud of; for they love mightily to be
dabbling in business (which by the way they always spoil); and
being justly distrustful that men in general look upon them in a
trifling light, they almost adore that man who talks more
seriously to them, and who seems to consult and trust them; I
say, who seems; for weak men really do, but wise ones only seem
to do it. No flattery is either too high or too low for them.
They will greedily swallow the highest, and gratefully accept of
the lowest; and you may safely flatter any woman from her
understanding down to the exquisite taste of her fan. Women
who are either indisputably beautiful, or indisputably ugly, are
best flattered upon the score of their understandings; but those
who are in a state of mediocrity, are best flattered upon their
beauty, or at least their graces; for every woman who is not
absolutely ugly thinks herself handsome;
but not hearing often that she is so, is the more grateful and
the more obliged to the few who tell her so; whereas a decided
end conscious beauty looks upon every tribute paid to her beauty
only as her due; but wants to shine, and to be considered on the
side of her understanding; and a woman who is ugly enough to know
that she is so, knows that she has nothing left for it but her
understanding, which is consequently and probably (in more senses
than one) her weak side. But these are secrets which you must
keep inviolably, if you would not, like Orpheus, be torn to
pieces by the whole sex; on the contrary, a man who thinks of
living in the great world, must be gallant, polite, and attentive
to please the women. They have, from the weakness of men, more or
less influence in all courts; they absolutely stamp every man's
character in the beau monde, and make it either current,
or cry it down, and stop it in payments. It is, therefore,
absolutely necessary to manage, please, and flatter them: and
never to discover the less marks of contempt, which is what they
never forgive; but in this they are not singular, for it is the
same with men; who will much sooner forgive an injustice than an
insult. Every man is not ambitious, or courteous, or passionate;
but every man has pride enough in his composition to feel and
resent the least slight and contempt. Remember, therefore, most
carefully to conceal your contempt, however just, wherever you
would not make an implacable enemy. Men are much more unwilling
to have their weaknesses and their imperfections known than their
crimes; and if you hint to a man that you think him silly,
ignorant, or even ill-bred, or awkward, he will hate you more and
longer, than if you tell him plainly, that you think him a rogue.
Never yield to that temptation, which to most young men is very
strong, of exposing other people's weaknesses and infirmities,
for the sake of either of diverting the company, or showing your
own superiority. You may get the laugh on your side by it for the
present; but you will make enemies by it forever; and
those who laugh with you then, will, upon reflection, fear, and
consequently hate you; besides that it is ill-natured, and a good
heart desires rather to conceal than expose other people's
weaknesses or misfortunes. If you have wit, use it to please, and
not to hurt: you may shine, like the sun in the temperate zones,
without scorching. Here it is wished for; under the Line it is
dreaded.
These are some of the hints which my long experience
in the great world enables me to give you; and which, if you
attend to them, may prove useful to you in your journey through
it. I wish it may be a prosperous one; at least, I am sure that
it must be your own fault if it is not.
Make my compliments to Mr. Harte, who, I am very
sorry to hear, is not well. I hope by this time he is
recovered. Adieu!